Ok so I Farted

Good day World!

Today I was on the bus on my way home from work. I am new to Long Beach California and on my journey to become a writer, I have settled on an assuming part time job at the mall. My bus ride is about an hour long and I usually read a book or catch a nice nap. Today I tried to read my book, but I was so sleepy that I took out my sweater, balled it up into a pillow, placed it on the window and fell asleep. I sleep like the dead. I can zonk out and know nothing else but my sleep. However, usually on the bus or train, I remain in a twilight state between sleep and semi consciousness.

Well, I guess today I was more tired than usual and fell under the pull of deep sleep. I know this because I awoke to a small weathered hand tapping me softly. I looked up, wondering why someone would be touching me! I so hate to be touched unsolicited in ANY capacity! The look I gave her was enough for her to draw back in defense, yet she had a small curious smile on her face. She didn't speak or indicate why she woke me up so I said rather rudely, "what?!" In a small sing song voice, dripping with a heavy Spanish accent she whispered, "you farted."

At this point I noticed the faces around me on the bus (it was pretty packed too) and saw people several seats back were smiling openly, some even laughing. Apparently, I was tooting up a storm, loud enough to attract the attention of the passengers farther away and loud enough to be heard over the loud din of so many people talking and playing music heard easily through their headphones.

Now here is where I guess many people including myself, would normally get embarrassed and blush and mumble an apology. Curiously, I got a little more angry. Did she really wake me up out of a nice slumber to tell me I had performed a normal human act of farting in my sleep? What, was there a discussion amongst the passengers on who would be the one to wake me up and put a stop to the antics?! Was she the unfortunate one chosen by default because she was unlucky enough to share a seat with me? Years ago, maybe even as little as 5 years ago, I may well have been embarrassed. OMG in my teenage years, I probably would have gotten off the bus mortified even if it meant waiting an hour for the next one. I would have surely put my head down or my hood on, hoping to disguise my shame until I was able to escape the bus. But, nope. I only felt more than a slight irritation still at the two standout facts of the whole situation; one: she woke me up outta a great sleep, and two: she touched me! I suddenly realized I am getting old, I am blooming into middle age and if feeling no shame and no embarrassment was a trait of that, I welcomed it. And if I didn't realize it from the little stray gray hairs sprouting hidden among my black (sometimes red) curls on my head (and lets be quite honest, one or two other places as well), then my next two words and subsequent actions sure did solidify to me that I was going to grow old gracefully and with all the dignity I was afforded for living so long on this earth. I plumped my 'pillow' back up, readjusted it, and giving a long hard indignant stare at all those still looking as if I did something amazing, finally settling on my poor seatmate said, "SO what! I farted." and closed my eyes to seek out that sleep so deep that I could naturally pass gas and didn't even know it. Or care.

~Stacey Thompson