Christian rock is too loud to save me! I need hymns.

 Y’all pray for me please! 

So it’s early, Zoie wakes up for a bottle. I start watching one of my recorded shows since I’m up. Zoie falls asleep on my chest so I’m just chillaxed watching my show til it’s over. The show goes off and I must’ve dozed a lil because all of a sudden I jolt awake to a choir singing LOUDLY about Jesus. And this isn’t no soothing Jesus loves You hymn- this must’ve been like Christian rock or something! My show must’ve went off and the channel it went to had a high volume. So I’m frantically looking for the remote but I’m stuck in a groping in the dark like a walrus at the sides of me cuz I’m trying to keep from waking up the baby monster...

Of course the remote is nowhere where I can reach or see so I lay Zo down and slide out the bed trying to find the remote (and this must be like a revival cuz they’re still belting out about Jesus in like verse 200) I hiss out in a loud whisper- oh stfu!! And notice Zoie looking at me. She busts out crying  so I say Oh no no Not you, and pick her up- but if not her who am I talking to Jesus!!??

I find the damn remote and silence this terrible choir, soothing poor Zoie cuz I scared her, the whole time saying I wasn’t talking to you either Jesus- I love the message- it was just sooo loud!!

#CraceysWorld

#BeautifulBabyZoie

#ImsorryJesus

#YallBetterPrayForMe

#JesusKnowsMyHeart

#ButHeHeardMyWordsToo

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😭😭😂😂😂😂🙏

It was just gas, no solids!

 Soooo here’s a story!

I drive a lil ways home daily so me and Cee’s (my long suffering daughter) are used to stopping at a rest area at some point; well ME cuz I haveta PEEEE!! 

So anyway, we stop and I rush into the place to use the bathroom. The bathrooms are upstairs and I been having to go so naturally some gas has built up. Now I fart in public all day cuz I’m an azzz and I like to blame it on others or just looked shocked like everyone else. So I’m rushing to the restroom and I let out 2 or 3 nice loud ones, checking behind me to be sure no one is close. There’s no comedic value to it since I’m alone and I just want to NOT haveta let loose these bad boys in the crowded bathroom. They come out in unison and all I hear after each is Oh!, Oh!, Ohhhhh! and then I feel a hand on my back. I look, turn and reach to grab the hand and it’s an older white lady with one of those canes with the 4 sided lil legs and she’s like splaying her legs out, trying to reshape her stance behind me, and touching me to keep from falling. As soon as she sees my face turned she says ‘Oh my! I thought you were shitting!’ I said ‘oh no, sorry I scared you!’ and help her steady herself. We are both cracking up and red faced. My question is, do white people shit as they walk? Like just let it loose as they walking in their pants and shizzzz?? 

Lmaooo NEVER MIND THAT OBVIOUSLY THIS BLACK PERSON LETS LOOSE THE GAS. 

🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤣🤣

💨 🚽 💦 💨 🚽 💦 💩 💩 

#CraceysWorld

#MyLife

#TrueStory

#BetterOutThanIn

#MyBadMsBarbara

#ButYouAlmostKnockedLooseMyUrine

#ComedicStoryTeller