Hello World!
I was thinking about one of my last blogs where I effused on my love and desire for EMINEM. I am not sure if I made it clear just how much I admire, adore, am in AWE of this artist. It is not just his artistry, I feel a kinship, an almost...
Ok, cut the ISH, I la la la LOVE Eminem. Like I have a picture of him in a frame on my nightstand AND one was on the fireplace amongst all the family photos I kept there. Maybe I should have left some of that out because now my claims that I am NOT a stalker may fall on deaf ears, AND some of you may take AKON's side in the story that follows, even though he was so wrong in the level of hate he displayed, especially toward a girl! Like get yourself together AKON. Anyway, here goes;
I was at work one night at the waitress job I told you I worked very successfully while in Atlanta and being that it was around the BET awards, we had a few celebrities trickle in here and there. The restaurant I worked at; WaffleHouse, happened to be located right around the corner from Jermaine Dupree's studio, so we had sightings of Ludacris driving some amped up 2056 car available only to the ridiculously rich and other celebrities. I was breathlessly awaiting Eminem to come into the store. This was the year that the Eminem and Akon collaboration 'Smack That' was out and I believe they performed it that year also at the awards so I KNEW he was in town and I was soooo ready for his azz to walk into my life.
I must interject here that seriously, I am NOT a groupie! I look down on people who go all googoo gaga over a famous person and I tend to be aloof and indifferent when confronted with them because I feel like I AM SPECIAL so maybe they should just be googoo ga ga over ME first. We have had America's Best Dance crew come in before, Usher, and a few reality stars and local celebrity residents and I never ever ever lose my military bearings on principal, even if I am impressed by their credentials.
SOOO, when AKON walked into the store one weekday evening, I was not overly impressed. I mean it WAS AKON; a celebrity, but I never really was all into him or his music like that. He is talented and has some great music (like that collabo with my BOO, but I was just not going to be all over him like he was going to 1: elevate MY status in any way or 2: give me a cut of his fortune, so why be all on his azz, I wonder?) I was however, immediately struck with the thought that Eminem might meet him there and for a full 10 minutes, I watched the entrance like a thirsty scrub just KNOWING any minute he was going to walk through the door. (Like they are FRIENDS and hang out just because they made a record together!? My thoughts don't make sense sometimes, I know, I know..) And just so we are clear here, while I spent the last paragraph specifying how I am NOT a groupie and why, I must say here that if EMINM would have walked in there, all that would have went out the window and I most likely would have made myself look like a babbling buffoon of a stalker fan, but I certainly would have left an impression; which I did anyway through AKON's lying hating... Wait, I am ahead of myself. Sorry.
The store wasn't really that crowded but there were a few thirsty chicks who begged to take a picture with AKON, so I just watched the whole scenario unfold as I plotted MY move. AKON had walked in with what I guess was a body guard, but I could not help but wonder who was guarding this dude's body against all the calories he was taking in? He was a big sloppy mess of a man who was obviously overcompensating for his lack of ANYTHING else to offer EXCEPT his gig as AKON's bodyguard. I say that because he walked in and they sat at the counter where he proceeded to talk, order and BE AKON like AKON couldn't talk to the common folk. My friend Jessica was actually their waitress so I continued doing what I was doing while keeping tabs on them through my peripheral. The bodyguard; we are going to call him Stomach because that's all I recall about him, was putting the few chicks who came up asking for pictures on standby saying, "he'll take some flicks after he eats ladies, just chill". The chill part was kind of unnecessary because nobody was really hyped or anything, but I guess. So after they ate and AKON never once spoke to anyone, not even the chicks he posed for pics with, and they gave my homegirl a wack 10 dollar tip (I just feel like you are super uba rich and could have blessed a sista with a hundred just cuz you see a young Black sister trying to make it. Obviously that's my opinion NOT shared by many RICH mofos, but I digress)
I finally decided it was time to make my move. The store was kind of empty save for about 2 couples and myself, the other waitress (my homegirl Jessica) and the cook. I went up to AKON on the other side of the counter (totally bypassing the buffer Stomach) and said to AKON, "Hey. How are you? I'm Stacey and I know you just took some pics and I really like your music, but I really don't want a pic, I was just wondering if maybe you could call Eminem for me?" BAM!! That's right. I feel like directness is a great quality to possess and an even better one to practice. He looked at me with his beady little eyes and I was struck by how unattractive he really is. ( Trust me, this is NOT my opinion because of what he did, I didn't want a picture because there was no positive outcome from it. He was eelk and so damn Black that I simply was NOT interested in having a visual memory of his face anyway) He simply said, "NO." but real nasty like how dare I ask that? He said so much in that one word response that I came right back at him with the same amount of disdain and disrespect in my voice. In the real world you might be AKON, MR. CELEBRITY, but in MY world, (a realm that he had crossed over into and was not ever aware of yet), he was some ugly azz Blacker than the berry AND the juice dude that was standing in the way of my meeting Eminem, AND he was the link that could make my dream come true! So I said, "I know you probably think I'm like a crazy fan, but I am not. I AM a huge fan of his, and I KNOW he would want to meet me!" He looked at me again and kind of took me in with his eyes. Like really?! Are you sizing me up for Eminem?!! Just call him and let his decide! Again he said, 'NO, I can't call him for you." I said "why not? He may want to talk to me! Just call him and ask him if he will speak to me. I'll hook you up with a free waffle or something for your trouble, man!" AT this point it seemed like he got offended at the offer of a free waffle, but what else could I offer??! He said, "I would not want him to call me if the roles were reversed so I can't do that, and besides, I don't have his number." OOOHHHH! What a liar! If you did not have his number, why even be involved in this conversation? Just say THAT at first dummy. So I just said, "that is so messed up! He is NOT you so you don't know what he would want until you ask him, BUT thanks anyway." I walked away. Stomach edged closer to him, no doubt to get the juice on what I was talking to him about and they left soon after.
I did not think anything more of AKON except to tell people how rude ugly and uncooperative he was, until the day I decided to listen to Eminem's entire album collection and came across a song. I believe this song was on the album right before RECOVERY. The album that most people say is his worst one. It did not sell that good, but as his most loyal fan, AND his future wife, I will go on record as saying, he HAS no bad albums and this one was the BOM.COM as well. I heard the song 'Drugs are Bad' which features the kids from South Park and in one of the verses, Eminem talks about Baab who goes to a restaurant called the WAFFLE diner and kills a waitress named STACEY!!! Like really AKON!!?? REalllllllyy?/ What did you tell my husband that made him view me as someone to be murdered on his track!? Some people say I am reading too much into it, but that is a HUGE coincidence, I am sorry. I believe in coincidences, but this one is too pat, too convenient. I KNOW AKON; and probably Stomach too, went back and told my boo some lie infused story about their encounter with the waitress Stacey at the Waffle House. I KNOW it!!! (and he knows it too, AKON!!! I am LOOKING for you sir)
I am totally convinced that AKON DID call Eminem or maybe they talked backstage at the awards show, but he told him SOME made up, embellished story that made me look like a crazy stalker and Eminem (hahaha-NOT) took that and put it in a lyric.
SO to Eminem, sweetheart, honey-DO not allow AKON to come between our love. Do not fight the inevitable and definitely do not think you can get rid of me THAT easy, and AKON, you sir, are a hater. There is no reason for the foolery and the female antics! Like who does that anyway?! Why did you feel the need to turn my simple request into a mockery that I must say has you on the 10 most wanted list in Cracey's World. Seriously. ON SIGHT, Cracians are encouraged to whoop that AZZ! Smack THAT!!!
~Cracey
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