my brother, my cousin RIP MAN...

I'm on vacation in NY seeing my NY family; my roots, my foundation n i just received the most horrible tragic news. My 'brother from another mother' has passed on....
I just don't know how to feel. Black people, at least from my experience, have nontraditional families. In our case, my Mother Saundra n my Aunt Jackie united and raised their kids together. They were our mom and dad. So although Ian was (Is, how can he be past tense at the age of 28!???) Biologically my first cousin, he is my brother. He was my brother in shared parents, struggles, shared trauma and experience, broken homes and fights to be relevant and not be a statistic. I have 4 brothers and now hes gone, so sudden. I remember wen he was born, when i changed his diapers because him and Tootie came along when i was 11 so they were MY babies! I saw him through potty training and teething and his first girlfriend. Evictions and his moms battle with drug addiction. I gave him the nickname Mookie because he so hated milk and he would throw his bottle screaming 'No Mookie' whenever he tasted milk in his bottle. I was with him when we grew up on a cold sad night at a hospital in the Bronx when we went to claim Aunt Jackie's body when she passed. I remember the look of lost and confused on his face as we stood silent hugging each other in that empty still parking lot suddenly thrust into the role of adult way too soon, and not like this, no not like this....
I remember moving to Cali just 4 months ago n seeing him again after 4 years and meeting his new wife and sharing bedside in the joy of his first baby being born just a month ago...
And just this Sunday i hugged my brother and told him i loved him and would see him after i got back from NY. He told me to tell everyone he loved them and have a safe flight and i wised him a very happy first Christmas with his baby...
And now hes gone... how do i understand? How do i even digest it? I love u soooo much brother. I pray that you are with mommy and aunt Jackie and u find the comfort alluding you here with all of us....

R I P Ian Davis.... my brother, my cousin, my friend