I'm on vacation in NY seeing my NY family; my roots, my foundation n i just received the most horrible tragic news. My 'brother from another mother' has passed on....
I just don't know how to feel. Black people, at least from my experience, have nontraditional families. In our case, my Mother Saundra n my Aunt Jackie united and raised their kids together. They were our mom and dad. So although Ian was (Is, how can he be past tense at the age of 28!???) Biologically my first cousin, he is my brother. He was my brother in shared parents, struggles, shared trauma and experience, broken homes and fights to be relevant and not be a statistic. I have 4 brothers and now hes gone, so sudden. I remember wen he was born, when i changed his diapers because him and Tootie came along when i was 11 so they were MY babies! I saw him through potty training and teething and his first girlfriend. Evictions and his moms battle with drug addiction. I gave him the nickname Mookie because he so hated milk and he would throw his bottle screaming 'No Mookie' whenever he tasted milk in his bottle. I was with him when we grew up on a cold sad night at a hospital in the Bronx when we went to claim Aunt Jackie's body when she passed. I remember the look of lost and confused on his face as we stood silent hugging each other in that empty still parking lot suddenly thrust into the role of adult way too soon, and not like this, no not like this....
I remember moving to Cali just 4 months ago n seeing him again after 4 years and meeting his new wife and sharing bedside in the joy of his first baby being born just a month ago...
And just this Sunday i hugged my brother and told him i loved him and would see him after i got back from NY. He told me to tell everyone he loved them and have a safe flight and i wised him a very happy first Christmas with his baby...
And now hes gone... how do i understand? How do i even digest it? I love u soooo much brother. I pray that you are with mommy and aunt Jackie and u find the comfort alluding you here with all of us....
R I P Ian Davis.... my brother, my cousin, my friend
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Concrete Paradise.... Part II
HELLLLLLOOO .
I just had a great evening with the diva and her friend Gennessy (I call the chile Hennessy because that's obviously what they WANTED to name her! lol) I was on the train headed down to downtown LA and I was mesmerized and awed by every sight! The Christmas decorations were gorgeous, the hustle and bustle of the eclectic mix of people rushing about, and the sights and sounds and smells all revived me! I realize that this is what people mean when they talk about how they grew up on a farm and need fresh air and wide open spaces and to see fields of grass and neighbors 20 miles away; it's what they grew to love and have adapted as their comfort environment.
Well, I grew up in the NY my friends and I crave police sirens and loud noises and hearing people outside all night. I want to know I can go to the deli and 4 am and one) it's fricking OPEN, and two) there are other people there as well! I understand that the grass is beautiful and flowers are lovely. Yes, I like the smell of fresh cut lawns and seeing nature as far as the eye can see, but I LOOOOOVVVVEEE freshly washed concrete and tall structures of such startling design that they aren't just buildings, they are ART people! My natural habitat is a concrete jungle and I will never be as happy as I can be unless I am there, surrounded by flow and energy and noise and fuss and mess and drama and bums and beautiful people and my fellow man begging for a cigarette and the train conductor cursing at the dude blocking the door!! I need that dramatic sense of SOMETHING going on on every corner and that even if I am not an actual part of it, I am in the heart f it baby!!
I know some people won't get it, and that is kind of selfish since I did say I guess I an relate to the whole country thing, but it's ok. I 'see' the city as a concrete paradise. The endless lights glimmer like waterfalls. The ebb and flow of traffic and pedestrians is like the calls and chitters of the animals in the darn country side. The smell of exhaust and hot pretzels beckon me just as the smell of honeysuckle and jasmine tickle the senses out in the open spaces outside the cities of our world. It is because of this love and affinity for the city; the concrete, face it; the MADNESS of it all that I DO like LA and am able to call it home for now. I mean it sure isn't New York, but it is kinda like how mommy was the best and one and only, but if I couldn't have her, Aunt Jackie was just as good!!!
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!
I just had a great evening with the diva and her friend Gennessy (I call the chile Hennessy because that's obviously what they WANTED to name her! lol) I was on the train headed down to downtown LA and I was mesmerized and awed by every sight! The Christmas decorations were gorgeous, the hustle and bustle of the eclectic mix of people rushing about, and the sights and sounds and smells all revived me! I realize that this is what people mean when they talk about how they grew up on a farm and need fresh air and wide open spaces and to see fields of grass and neighbors 20 miles away; it's what they grew to love and have adapted as their comfort environment.
Well, I grew up in the NY my friends and I crave police sirens and loud noises and hearing people outside all night. I want to know I can go to the deli and 4 am and one) it's fricking OPEN, and two) there are other people there as well! I understand that the grass is beautiful and flowers are lovely. Yes, I like the smell of fresh cut lawns and seeing nature as far as the eye can see, but I LOOOOOVVVVEEE freshly washed concrete and tall structures of such startling design that they aren't just buildings, they are ART people! My natural habitat is a concrete jungle and I will never be as happy as I can be unless I am there, surrounded by flow and energy and noise and fuss and mess and drama and bums and beautiful people and my fellow man begging for a cigarette and the train conductor cursing at the dude blocking the door!! I need that dramatic sense of SOMETHING going on on every corner and that even if I am not an actual part of it, I am in the heart f it baby!!
I know some people won't get it, and that is kind of selfish since I did say I guess I an relate to the whole country thing, but it's ok. I 'see' the city as a concrete paradise. The endless lights glimmer like waterfalls. The ebb and flow of traffic and pedestrians is like the calls and chitters of the animals in the darn country side. The smell of exhaust and hot pretzels beckon me just as the smell of honeysuckle and jasmine tickle the senses out in the open spaces outside the cities of our world. It is because of this love and affinity for the city; the concrete, face it; the MADNESS of it all that I DO like LA and am able to call it home for now. I mean it sure isn't New York, but it is kinda like how mommy was the best and one and only, but if I couldn't have her, Aunt Jackie was just as good!!!
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!
Concrete Paradise
Hello ALL,
I visited my DIVA in downtown LA today and I had a sudden realization. I felt great and the closer I got to the city, I felt better and better. First I attributed it to seeing Ciarin, but as I studied the stone steps leading up to canopied building doorways, and the waist high stone 'fences' along the sides of buildings, I realized that I was feeling familiarity. I love the sights and sounds and smells of the city!! People who grow up in the country and open spaces speak of how they need views and vista and fresh air and nature in abundance around them and it feeds their psyche. They need to smell fresh flowers and (I guess) a little cow and horse manure to feel nostalgic and reminiscent of home.
Well, I feel the same. The smell of roasted peanuts, hot dog wagons, fresh pastries baking, feet, and steam all tickle my sense of smell just as pleasantly. I feel at home surrounded by concrete on 3 sides and look up to view the far reaching sky. Its cloistering to have the sky right there!! Right within your reach! I need to see it high above me, stars twinkling; rightfully as unreachable as they really are!
I love the slap of my sneakers on the sidewalks (which are available everywhere and conveniently keep you separated from the speeding cars buses, trucks, and trains! ~take a hint Georgia, sheesh!!) and the clickety clack sound when I wear heals or shoes. You cant hear that confident reassuring 'shadow' step on some grass people!!
I yearn for the hustle and bustle all night and I LIKE that I can get a SUBWAY sandwich, some tweezers cause I got this ingrown, a pack of cigarettes and/or a beer, or just a darn maxi pad at 4 am at the corner store AND there will probably be other people in there just as wide awake as I am! I understand the feeling of home and serenity that people who grew up in the more rural areas, but understand that MY serenity comes from sirens and lights and noise and bums collecting bottles and giving you the opportunity to redeem yourself by giving a dollar. I feel immersed, included, surrounded, and a PART of everything that is going on. I thrive on the energy and the strong backdrop of the foreboding but seductive architecture and the eclectic glass and chrome sparkle of the buildings and structures! And cleverly snuggled in at random spots, there are parks, and gardens with grass and trees and insects and even a few unsavory 'city' people sleeping on the benches!
Oh, yes, LA, you are the sister of my beloved NY. You do what Atlanta couldn't; your revive my awe and motivation that the city, the concrete, the noise, the confusion and understood chaos, the unapologetic surge of energizing LIFE, and I realize that MY paradise is this type of environment. I want to visit the waterfalls in Hawaii, and see the beauty of Ireland and the mountains and peaks in Switzerland, but NY city, the concrete jungle that is HOME, is my starting point as well as my final destination...
~Cracey
I visited my DIVA in downtown LA today and I had a sudden realization. I felt great and the closer I got to the city, I felt better and better. First I attributed it to seeing Ciarin, but as I studied the stone steps leading up to canopied building doorways, and the waist high stone 'fences' along the sides of buildings, I realized that I was feeling familiarity. I love the sights and sounds and smells of the city!! People who grow up in the country and open spaces speak of how they need views and vista and fresh air and nature in abundance around them and it feeds their psyche. They need to smell fresh flowers and (I guess) a little cow and horse manure to feel nostalgic and reminiscent of home.
Well, I feel the same. The smell of roasted peanuts, hot dog wagons, fresh pastries baking, feet, and steam all tickle my sense of smell just as pleasantly. I feel at home surrounded by concrete on 3 sides and look up to view the far reaching sky. Its cloistering to have the sky right there!! Right within your reach! I need to see it high above me, stars twinkling; rightfully as unreachable as they really are!
I love the slap of my sneakers on the sidewalks (which are available everywhere and conveniently keep you separated from the speeding cars buses, trucks, and trains! ~take a hint Georgia, sheesh!!) and the clickety clack sound when I wear heals or shoes. You cant hear that confident reassuring 'shadow' step on some grass people!!
I yearn for the hustle and bustle all night and I LIKE that I can get a SUBWAY sandwich, some tweezers cause I got this ingrown, a pack of cigarettes and/or a beer, or just a darn maxi pad at 4 am at the corner store AND there will probably be other people in there just as wide awake as I am! I understand the feeling of home and serenity that people who grew up in the more rural areas, but understand that MY serenity comes from sirens and lights and noise and bums collecting bottles and giving you the opportunity to redeem yourself by giving a dollar. I feel immersed, included, surrounded, and a PART of everything that is going on. I thrive on the energy and the strong backdrop of the foreboding but seductive architecture and the eclectic glass and chrome sparkle of the buildings and structures! And cleverly snuggled in at random spots, there are parks, and gardens with grass and trees and insects and even a few unsavory 'city' people sleeping on the benches!
Oh, yes, LA, you are the sister of my beloved NY. You do what Atlanta couldn't; your revive my awe and motivation that the city, the concrete, the noise, the confusion and understood chaos, the unapologetic surge of energizing LIFE, and I realize that MY paradise is this type of environment. I want to visit the waterfalls in Hawaii, and see the beauty of Ireland and the mountains and peaks in Switzerland, but NY city, the concrete jungle that is HOME, is my starting point as well as my final destination...
~Cracey
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